Why I Bought a Vibrator

Sex toys get such a bad rap, and I understand why. A lot of bad images are conjured up when people start thinking about sex toys. But, the industry has changed tremendously. That’s why so many Christian married couples are choosing to buy sex toys.

Sex Toys Can Be Marital Aids

There are no doubt toys on the market that are meant for you to masturbate and not to help a couple grow closer to intimacy. I know there are many people that think anytime you introduce a toy into the marriage bed, it replaces the need for the spouse. However, I haven’t found that to be true in my marriage. I believe that it is not the best choice for everyone.

But…vibrators, penis pumps, penis sleeves, cock rings, lubes and other marital aids have really helped couples to experience the joy of sex with one another. When you use these items together, it can bring a lot of satisfaction and connection.

Why I Bought a Vibrator

Many years ago, I bought a vibrator. I wanted to try anal sex and I read that a vibrator would make it feel good for me. Also, I read that it can make the experience less painful. It’s all true by the way. If you are considering trying out anal, I do recommend a vibrator, and a lot of lube and a condom for your husband.

The majority of sex positions do not provide a woman with enough clitoral stimulation to orgasm. That’s one of the times that a vibrator is helpful for a couple.

When to Use a Vibrator

There are many times a vibrator is a great option for a couple. Some of these times include:

  • During your period– if you don’t like to have intercourse during your period, a vibrator can be a great option. I recommend you buy a stroker for your husband so that you can take turns pleasing each other during that time of the month.
  • When you are struggling to orgasm– it’s no secret that some women have a very hard time orgasming. A vibrator can be used to help her achieve that. Not every woman is going to be able to orgasm with a vibrator, but she may find it helps her to get warmed up for sex.
  • To stimulate your husband’s frenulum– the frenulum is located near the head of the penis and resembles the skin that’s on the inside of your mouth that connects your top lip to your gums. This area on your husband acts very similar to the clitoris and can be stimulated in the same way using a vibrator.
  • You want to try something new- just like a new sex position or foreplay move, a sex toy can bring variety to your intimacy.
  • In a sex position that doesn’t stimulate you enough- if you are trying out a sex position, such as rear entry, consider using a vibrator to stimulate yourself.

What Are Your Questions About Vibrators or Sex Toys?

If you have questions about vibrators or sex toys, feel free to send me a message at You can also send me a message through the Love Hope Adventure Facebook page. I will do my best to answer or get the info you need.

Good First Vibrators to Try

If you’re ready to try one, I’ve got a few recommendations for you. I do want to issue a warning, it’s really important you buy sex toys from reputable sources because they are not regulated like other industries. That means they can be made of materials that are not healthy for your body. That’s why I send people to Married Dance, which is a Christian Friendly Sex Toy store. Everything they sell is in porn free packaging and made with quality materials.

Magic Wand

The magic wand is actually a body massager that worked really well as a stimulator. Many couples like to buy this because it has a dual purpose. If they do not like it as a vibrator, they can still use it as a massager for their body.


The Lelo SONA is designed to specifically stimulate the clitoris. The great thing about it is that it is quiet. Many vibrators sound like a toothbrush buzzing. It also comes with a cable to recharge it so you don’t have to deal with batteries.

Jelly Eager Beaver

The Jelly Eager Beaver has dual stimulation. That means it vibrates inside and stimulates the outside as well. The good thing about this type is that you can use the part that is designed to go inside on your clitoris if you don’t feel comfortable with it inside.

Hopefully, this will help you decide if it is the right thing for you or not. It won’t be the best choice for everyone.

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4 Not so Sexy Things That Happen During Real Life Sex

There are so many not so sexy things that happen during sex. In fact, it can be quite comical in the moment if you aren’t too uptight about it (and I hope you’re not!). Sex in marriage isn’t meant to be perfect. It’s fun, exciting, comforting, messy, routine, mundane…a lot of things, but not perfect.

awkward things that happen during sex

So, I thought I’d share 4 not so sexy things that can happen during real sex.

Someone feels sick

Ever start having sex and think, “I ate too much”. A full belly is the worst thing before sex. All the moving and pressure is enough to make your chili dog come up in your mouth. So gross. I can’t even count the number of times I regretted having a snack too close to bedtime.

Something gets kicked

Ever seen Hitch? I always think about the scene where he’s on a date and kicks the girl into the water whenever I’m trying to re-position in the bed. No matter how hard we try, every now and then, some body part gets kicked.

A child needs an answer

We lock our doors. We taught our kids to knock. They aren’t going to come in on us, but we’ve had to stop everything on many occasions to have full discussions with a child through the door. #moodkiller

Someone reaches their step goal

My fitbit has been known to throw many a party during a nice romp. Apparently, sexual motions are the same as walking motions. If you wear a fitbit, then I’m sure you know how much this can take you out of the moment.

Have anything embarrassing to add to the list of not so sexy things that happen during sex? Leave me a message in the comments. It’s nice to commiserate with those that get it.

Other things on my mind:

Just saw that The Dating Divas put 4 of their most popular books on sale for just $1. One of them is the Ultimate Date Night Book. I actually own the book. Two of my favorite dates from there is the bookstore date and the porch prom date. If you are looking for creative ideas that are fully fledged out for you, then you should check it out.

Check out this video I did showing off the book and the date ideas I like.


Go here to buy the book.

Chat later!


One of the Top Libido Killers

Want to know what one of the top libido killers is? Stress. And there’s a lot of it go around, am I right? Now, I get that we all have periods of stress in our lives, but if you live in a perpetual state of stressed out, you need to make changes.

Want to know what one of the top libido killers is? Stress. And there’s a lot of it go around, am I right? Now, I get that we all have periods of stress in our lives, but if you live in a perpetual state of stressed out, you need to make changes.

How much would it change your life, mood, and family interactions if you could actually get enough done in a day? Imagine if you could get caught up and stay that way more often than not. Your stress levels would go way down.

If I’m not careful, I let myself get so sucked into my work and to-do’s that I forget how to have fun. When that happens, I feel like I have to force myself to do fun things and let go. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it happens naturally when I have a good handle on life.

Honestly, I’m not a huge proponent of productivity courses, apps, and materials. This is why I am not going to buy Crystal Paine’s 4 week course to a more productive life. However, Austin has done really really well with productivity systems. That just tells me that there are a lot of people out there that really need someone to give them action plans so they can put them in place.

I guess I’m not personally big on these types of things for the same reason I’m not going to buy a meal plan. But sooooo many people love meal plans and have huge success with them. So, if you are that kind of person- the one that does best when you have someone hand you a rock solid plan of how to get more done, then the productivity course is for you. I trust Crystal and I’ve paid for just about every course she’s ever put out. She’s legit.

If you’re interested, check out her course. 

Other things on my mind this week:

I had a reader tell me they were trying to schedule sex, but it was falling flat. It made me realize that simply telling people to “schedule sex” isn’t enough. So, I wrote 3 ways you can make scheduled sex hot.

Also, I made a discovery on my website this week, husbands do genuinely want to please their wife sexually. Despite what culture has to say, men are not just having sex out of selfish ambition…and I’ve got the analytics to prove it.

Have a great week!


*I use affiliate links

3 Ways to Make Scheduled Sex Hot

One of my biggest tips for married couples is to schedule sex. A lot of people buck against me on that one, because they think it takes all the romance and excitement out of it. I think television has made us feel that way. If we don’t rip each other’s clothes off during a kissing frenzy, then it’s not amazing sex. I completely disagree. Scheduled sex can be super hot and here’s how.

One of my biggest tips for married couples is to schedule sex. A lot of people buck against me on that one, because they think it takes all the romance and excitement out of it. I think television has made us feel that way. If we don’t rip each other’s clothes off during a kissing frenzy, then it’s not amazing sex. I completely disagree. Scheduled sex can be super hot and here’s how.

1. Remind Each Other Early in The Day

Like anything else you put on your calendar, it’s important to remind each other about it. If your kid needs to get picked up at a different time, you’re going to send a reminder text right? Supposed to meet someone for dinner? You’re going to mention it before you part ways in the morning. You need to do the same thing on the days you are planning to have sex.

There are plenty of ways you can send sexy reminders to your spouse. You might send them a quick text that says, “can’t wait till later”. Or maybe you leave them a handwritten note in a place they’ll see it.

One of my favorite ways is to shoot a message through an app like Couple. If you establish this app as a place where you only write sexy things to your spouse, then they will know you are sending something steamy when they get the notification. Also, it’s password protected so no worries of the kids or folks at work seeing it.

2. Flirt Throughout the Day

I think a lot of couples abandon flirting after their dating years. What is flirting? I think of it as a loving ways to get your spouse’s attention. Maybe you give them a sexy look from across the room or say compliment the way they look. It could be a cheesy one liner or sweet hug and kiss.

One word of caution about flirting is that you need to learn what types of flirting your spouse responds to best. One of the biggest ways I see husbands flirt with their wives is to grab a boob. Not all women see copping a feel as flirting. Ask them what they like and aim to do those things.

Even if you are not home together, you can send a flirty text. You can call them on the phone for a few minutes and say something sweet to them.

Not sure what to text them? Check out these flirty texts from The Dating Divas.

3. Start Foreplay Before You Head to Bed For Sex

Get each other warmed up before you get to the bedroom. This might be the time when grabbing a boob or pinching a butt is welcomed. It’s a lot of fun to rub on your spouse here and there leading up to bed.

Jay Dee over at Uncovering Intimacy talked about how he and his wife spent a day having sex. They ran off for a few minutes to indulge in a little foreplay. They would stop before he climaxed but would keep going if she could. Women can have multiple orgasms without the refractory period, so it makes this approach fun for them.

The best way to make sex hot is to go into the night already excited. If it’s simply on the schedule, but neither of you says anything about it or act on it, then it will likely fall flat. Use the schedule to your advantage and build anticipation with each other.

*I use affliate links

We Just Coined a New Term- Men’s Sexywear

The results from the lingerie survey are in! While I am not ready to release the results yet, there is one interesting thing that I noticed- not nearly enough men are wearing lingerie. Which begs the question, should we call it lingerie for men?

We Coined the Term Sexywear

We bounced around the idea of what to call it in our private community. We came up with men’s sexywear! I think that sounds a lot better than lingerie for men, personally. What do you think? We played around with manwear, but that conjured up images of lumberjacks in the woods (which might be your thing).

Why Don’t Men Wear Lingerie?

That brings me to my next thought. Why aren’t men wearing more sexywear? I know several men who have told me they’ve asked their wives what they want them to wear and their wives simply don’t know. I get it. There’s not a lot on the market for men at this point, but there is enough for you guys to figure out how to look hot for your wife.

Men’s Sexywear Recommendations

I recommend that if your wife doesn’t give you any ideas, you should start trying some things. Check out this article I wrote about men’s sexy outfits and lingerie.

To add to the list of things I wrote in that article, some of our community members suggested these items:

What else would you add to the list? leave me a comment and let me know. 

Other things on my mind this week:

Austin and I put our marriage course in a bundle of resources from The Dating Divas. It’s on sale for two more days. You can read up on it on the blog and watch the video I recorded to show off what you get inside.

*I use affiliate links

What Kinds of Sex Toys Are Available For Men?

I had a reader ask me to do a video about sex toys for men. Just as a note, I believe that all marital aids should be used between a husband and wife. I don’t think you should purchase sex toys so that you can please yourself as a way of avoiding sex with your spouse. Or use toys without your spouse’s knowledge.

If you want to learn more about this, you can go here to check it out.

If you would rather read about the sex toys available for men, you can check out this post I wrote.

Looking for a good place to buy a new toy? I trust Married Dance for this type of purchase because they are porn free on the site and only ship porn free packaging. There are a lot of things you just don’t need to see in the sex toy world. But, Married Dance offers great products for Christians.

Here is a link to a stretchy cock ring that is designed to go over a man’s penis and balls.

Here is a link to several strokers for guys.

Why You Should Kiss Your Spouse Every Day

Even after 30 years of marriage, my parent still kiss each other goodbye every day. I remember seeing this small act of love while I was growing up. They may not realize this, but that act made me realize the importance of kissing my husband every day. Now that I’m married, I also do this daily in my marriage. Here are some ways things I’ve taken away from it.

We Don’t Go to Bed Angry

It’s very hard to be upset for long periods when you’re kissing each other several times a day. Yes, there are still moments when we’re mad at one another, but we still kiss each other daily. What people may not realize is that kissing creates a deep bond with your spouse. It forms a connection that you want to keep.

Kissing Leads to Physical Affection

Now, my husband is very physically affectionate and I have to work at it because I’m not naturally that way. However, because I make a conscious decision to kiss him every day, we often engage in lots of fun flirting and other forms of physical affection. The small step of kissing makes it easier to show him affection in many ways.

Sex Doesn’t Always Happen And That’s a Good Thing

It’s important to be physically affectionate with your spouse without it leading to the bedroom. Establishing touch that isn’t sexual is necessary in marriage. There are many ways bonding should happen without it leading to sex. If kissing your spouse is only happening in the bedroom, you’re missing out on creating a lasting bond with your spouse.

Sex Does Happen And That’s a Good Thing

The practice of being physically affectionate with one another can result in sex and that’s great! Continual kissing during the day strengthens the bond between you. There are days when a kiss lingers and foretells something that will happen later on.

My Marriage Is Happy

When my husband is gone during the day, our daily kisses help me remember why I miss him. When he comes home, I feel joyful and I get excited when I see him. While enjoying affection in the bedroom is great, taking the focus out of the bedroom helps me form a deeper bond with him.

A small gesture like daily kissing is a simple way to strengthen your relationship. I have seen this do amazing things in marriages, including my parents’, and I know it’s helping mine. Anything that strengthens your marriage is worth investing in.

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5 Types of Vibrators and Tips On How To Use Them

The owner of Married Dance put together these great tips on vibrators. He was gracious enough to let me share these tips with you. I know I learned a lot from these ideas. It can be scary to buy a vibrator, because you have no idea what it will feel like or if it is a waste of money. These tips will help you pick out the right one.

1. Bullet and Egg Vibrators

If you’ve never used a vibrators before, these are a good kinds to start with. Bullet vibrators are usually small and can be used to from stimulation during foreplay. You can them take a step further and add some spice to intercourse.

Egg vibrators are named as such because they are shaped like a flattened egg. Instead of holding them like the bullet, these ones are cupped by your hand. These types can be used both on the wife and husband.


2. Wireless Remote Controlled Vibrators

Operating these toys can be quite fun. Just like other vibrators I’ll mention in a minute, they can be enjoyed during foreplay and intercourse. Here are two ways to use them:

  • The husband uses the bullet vibrators and places it inside the wife. She has the remote to control the level of stimulation. Oral or manual stimulation can accompany the use this type.
  • The wife takes the egg vibrator, cups it in her hand and places it underneath her husband’s testicles. He gets the remote this time, allowing him to control his own pleasure. Oral stimulation from the wife pairs well with this technique. This one is best used if you want “catch a breath during intercourse”.


3. Wearable Vibrators

These types of vibrators can be worn by your husband during intercourse. A stretchy ring is placed around the bullet vibrator so it can be worn on the penis. It then vibrates to stimulate your husband during intercourse while at the same time stimulating your clitoris.


4. Bullet Vibrators With a Flat Tip

The vibrators have a flat tip at one end. This is primarily for the wife’s use. The flat tip enables optimal clitoral stimulation to be reached by easily targeting where she needs it.


5. Rumbly Vibrators

While most vibrators have a low humming sound, these rumbly vibrators are quite the opposite. Although they are still quiet, they are very powerful. The powerful rumble enhances lovemaking by delivering an intense charge of stimulation during foreplay or even intercourse.


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How to Do a Breast Massage

Just so you know, I freaking love Denis. He is the owner of Melt Massage, which is a video course that teaches you how to massage your spouse. I have gone through the course and done these massages for Austin in the past. Today, Denis released a breast massage video on YouTube. Don’t worry! There’s nothing sexual about it.

He goes through the tutorial on the streets of Spain. Breast massage is so important! For one, it can be used as an early detection of cancer or cysts. Also, it can help you restore lost breast tissue and increase your breast size and fullness.

How to Do a Breast Massage

If you want to check out his full video courses go here. Want the most amazing oils for massage? Check out his blends on Amazon here.

He has done a really great job showing how you can make this massage sensual for both men and women. I’m so happy he does these tutorials. Tell me what you think about it!


*i use affiliate links

6 Things You Should Never Say To Your Spouse

6 Things You Should Never Say To Your Spouse

Any relationship worth having takes work. In every relationship, there will come a point where someone will get hurt. You never know how your words will affect someone you love. There is no secret formula to predict if they’ll be hurt, but there are 6 things you should never say to your spouse.

1. I Don’t Care

When someone you love hears these words, it’s like you’re saying you don’t care about them. Do everything you can to avoid saying these words. When your spouse hears that you don’t care about something they care about, it can really damage your relationship. This is especially true if they feel you don’t care about them.

2. Have You Put On Weight?

This is just a bad idea any way you look at it. If you ask your spouse about their weight, it is the same as telling them you think they’re fat. This is just plain hurtful. Even if you don’t think that, and you’re just concerned about their health, take a different approach. Making comments like this will only begin to put up a wall between you.

3. You Don’t Look As Attractive As You Used To

Okay. Yes, our bodies were made to age. It is obvious that no one is going to look the same at 38 as they did at 22. It’s ridiculous to expect your spouse to look the same way they did when you were first married. But, there are plenty of ways to communicate these feelings without saying them.

Implying or saying that you don’t feel your spouse is as attractive as they used to be, is damaging to their self esteem. You want to build your spouse up, not crush them.

4. Sex Isn’t That Important To Me

It is very hard for a spouse with high libido to hear their partner doesn’t think sex is that big of a priority. This makes them feel unimportant. When you say this, you’re essentially saying it’s too hard for you to meet your spouse’s needs.

5. I’m Leaving You

It’s true that we all say hurtful things when we’re angry. Married couples often say things they wish they could take back. Some words are more damaging than others. Telling your spouse you are leaving them can cause serious damage to your marriage. You should never say this to your spouse. It can also cause distrust in your marriage. Unless you’re fully prepared to walk out the door, don’t threaten to.

6. Why Don’t You Act More Like…?

It will wreck your relationship if you start comparing your spouse to others. Regardless of who you are comparing your spouse to, expecting them to act like someone else will damage your marriage. It isn’t fair to your spouse to wish they were like someone else. Remember, you married them for the unique individual they are.


Tending to your marriage can be difficult. When you’re living with another person, disagreements may happen. It is important to remember that when it comes to relationships, these are definitely things you should never say to one another.

*this post contains affiliate links