Latest

Why Would Anyone Want to do _____ in The Bedroom?

I get asked all the time why someone would want to do __________ in the bedroom. The blank has ranged from things like oral to anal to light bondage, etc. You get the picture. Ever since I started writing for my marriage blog, I’ve tried to keep a really open mind about the things that couples do together that bring intimacy.

person holding a pillow over their face

Now, I’m not talking about things that are touted as “spicing things up” that genuinely cause division. Things like porn, threesomes, or anything that makes one person feel degraded. What I am talking about are things that are on a couple’s mind to be intimate.

For example, I know couples that like to use blindfolds or have their hands lightly bond to the bedposts. That’s not something I’m going to feel comfortable with, but I know these couples are enjoying time together in an intimate way where both feel clean before God.

But, then it happened…I was sooooo judgemental! I read a question on a friend’s blog about something in the bedroom that I just thought, why would anyone want to do that? And honestly, it’s not my place. It’s that type of judgment that keeps people from sharing their questions with others.

So, friends, I apologize. I want to say sorry for my internal reaction to reading what someone else desires in the bedroom. And, I’m going to be on guard against those thoughts so that I am someone you can trust with your questions.

Super Sexy Porn Free Lingerie

Ok, I have to admit, my least favorite thing about lingerie shopping is seeing it on other women. It makes me feel bad about my body and I know for a fact I will not look like that person. Not only that, it’s impossible for my husband to actually look for lingerie for me.

Super Sexy Porn Free Lingerie

I’m so excited about Honoring Intimates for this reason. They sent me some lingerie a few months ago. Their lingerie has their own tags on them so they are porn free. Not only that, they take the pictures of the items on mannequins so you can see what it looks like without seeing real boobs.

It’s perfect for the husband that wants to look for new things for their wife without seeing naked women. Also, a wife can go and look for something special without feeling bad about her own body.

Hot Lingerie

Here’s a few of the pieces in the shop you might want to check out. They have many more.

Clever Clarissa Pink Romper


Flapper Faye Fringe Babydoll

Beaming BridgetRevering Rebecca Open Cup Babydoll

Lavendar Lana Bralette Set

Amazing Amy Bra and Garter Set

3 Things a Woman Should Focus on To Orgasm

If you are a woman that is having a hard time orgasming, I put together a few tips that will help you. These aren’t a guarantee that you will be able to reach that point, but there are a few things that you can try.

1. Focus On The Way You Clitoris Feels

Focus on your body and how everything feels, otherwise, your mind will wander to everything that happened that day. Close your eyes if you need to and think about how your clitoris feels during the stimulation.

2. Build Up Arousal Slowly

If you’re using a vibrator, start at a really slow speed. If you’re receiving oral or direct stimulation of another kind, start slow and build. When you’re having sex, start slow with moving and build. You should lay back and relax during that period so you’re not wearing yourself out to feel aroused.

3. Push Past The Burning Sensation

Push past the burning feeling or the feeling of the urge to pee to get to orgasm. A lot of women stop before orgasm because they either feel a burning sensation or the need to pee. They might even feel like they will end up peeing.

To have your first orgasm, you have to push past the feeling. It’s really hard to mentally push past if you think you’re going to pee everywhere. So, a good thing to do is make sure your bladder is fully empty before sex, this way, it minimizes that feeling.

However, after you have had a few orgasms, that feeling is not nearly as intense and it turns to something that feels a lot more pleasurable. But honestly, the first couple orgasms don’t really feel all that great. And, they can leave you feeling a little disappointed. But, the more you have, the better it feels.

Hopefully, this helps you if you are struggling to have orgasms.

The Key to Orgasm With a Vibrator

Have you tried using a vibrator to orgasm, but really struggled? Here’s the key to using one to reach climax.

The Problem With Orgasming With a Vibrator

One of the biggest problems you can experience is setting your vibrator up too high to start out. It can easily go from feeling good to being really annoying and uncomfortable within a few minutes. The vibration can feel amazing but you can struggle to get over the hill and experience climax.

How to Orgasm With a Sex Toy

There are a few keys to orgasming with a vibrator:

1. Pick the right toy.

I know some people think that if you use a vibrator it’s an instant orgasm device. It’s not the case though. Honestly, the more expensive the vibrator, the better in general. It’s because more expensive products are designed with better vibration patterns. WeVibe products are usually good quality.

2. Choose the right speed.

Start with a low vibration. If you get there too fast, then it is going to irritate and start to hurt. At the same time, if you stay too slow for too long, it can kill the feelings. It really is a fine balance. You have to learn to communicate to your spouse what speed and movements you need them to use. Don’t be afraid to guide their hand.

3. Get Into Different Positions

The position you start out in may not be where you need to stay. Once things start feeling good, move around to see what you like. For example, you might start out on your back and then move to being on your hands and knees when things start feeling good.

4. Incorporate Other Stimulation

While you or your spouse is using the toy on you, do other sexually stimulating things. You can try kissing, rubbing, light slapping, or sexy talk. Also, consider doing things that are visually stimulating. Get in front of a mirror or use the camera on your phone to get a closer look at what’s happening.

If you’re not able to orgasm with a toy, that’s not unusual. Don’t get discouraged. Keep trying different toys and methods to see what works for you. Here’s another resource I wrote on orgasming with a vibrator.

Why I Bought a Vibrator

Sex toys get such a bad rap, and I understand why. A lot of bad images are conjured up when people start thinking about sex toys. But, the industry has changed tremendously. That’s why so many Christian married couples are choosing to buy sex toys.

Sex Toys Can Be Marital Aids

There are no doubt toys on the market that are meant for you to masturbate and not to help a couple grow closer to intimacy. I know there are many people that think anytime you introduce a toy into the marriage bed, it replaces the need for the spouse. However, I haven’t found that to be true in my marriage. I believe that it is not the best choice for everyone.

But…vibrators, penis pumps, penis sleeves, cock rings, lubes and other marital aids have really helped couples to experience the joy of sex with one another. When you use these items together, it can bring a lot of satisfaction and connection.

Why I Bought a Vibrator

Many years ago, I bought a vibrator. I wanted to try anal sex and I read that a vibrator would make it feel good for me. Also, I read that it can make the experience less painful. It’s all true by the way. If you are considering trying out anal, I do recommend a vibrator, and a lot of lube and a condom for your husband.

The majority of sex positions do not provide a woman with enough clitoral stimulation to orgasm. That’s one of the times that a vibrator is helpful for a couple.

When to Use a Vibrator

There are many times a vibrator is a great option for a couple. Some of these times include:

  • During your period– if you don’t like to have intercourse during your period, a vibrator can be a great option. I recommend you buy a stroker for your husband so that you can take turns pleasing each other during that time of the month.
  • When you are struggling to orgasm– it’s no secret that some women have a very hard time orgasming. A vibrator can be used to help her achieve that. Not every woman is going to be able to orgasm with a vibrator, but she may find it helps her to get warmed up for sex.
  • To stimulate your husband’s frenulum– the frenulum is located near the head of the penis and resembles the skin that’s on the inside of your mouth that connects your top lip to your gums. This area on your husband acts very similar to the clitoris and can be stimulated in the same way using a vibrator.
  • You want to try something new- just like a new sex position or foreplay move, a sex toy can bring variety to your intimacy.
  • In a sex position that doesn’t stimulate you enough- if you are trying out a sex position, such as rear entry, consider using a vibrator to stimulate yourself.

What Are Your Questions About Vibrators or Sex Toys?

If you have questions about vibrators or sex toys, feel free to send me a message at keelie@lovehopeadventure.com. You can also send me a message through the Love Hope Adventure Facebook page. I will do my best to answer or get the info you need.

Good First Vibrators to Try

If you’re ready to try one, I’ve got a few recommendations for you. I do want to issue a warning, it’s really important you buy sex toys from reputable sources because they are not regulated like other industries. That means they can be made of materials that are not healthy for your body. That’s why I send people to Married Dance, which is a Christian Friendly Sex Toy store. Everything they sell is in porn free packaging and made with quality materials.

Magic Wand

The magic wand is actually a body massager that worked really well as a stimulator. Many couples like to buy this because it has a dual purpose. If they do not like it as a vibrator, they can still use it as a massager for their body.

Lelo SONA

The Lelo SONA is designed to specifically stimulate the clitoris. The great thing about it is that it is quiet. Many vibrators sound like a toothbrush buzzing. It also comes with a cable to recharge it so you don’t have to deal with batteries.

Jelly Eager Beaver

The Jelly Eager Beaver has dual stimulation. That means it vibrates inside and stimulates the outside as well. The good thing about this type is that you can use the part that is designed to go inside on your clitoris if you don’t feel comfortable with it inside.

Hopefully, this will help you decide if it is the right thing for you or not. It won’t be the best choice for everyone.

*I use affiliate links

4 Not so Sexy Things That Happen During Real Life Sex

There are so many not so sexy things that happen during sex. In fact, it can be quite comical in the moment if you aren’t too uptight about it (and I hope you’re not!). Sex in marriage isn’t meant to be perfect. It’s fun, exciting, comforting, messy, routine, mundane…a lot of things, but not perfect.

awkward things that happen during sex

So, I thought I’d share 4 not so sexy things that can happen during real sex.

Someone feels sick

Ever start having sex and think, “I ate too much”. A full belly is the worst thing before sex. All the moving and pressure is enough to make your chili dog come up in your mouth. So gross. I can’t even count the number of times I regretted having a snack too close to bedtime.

Something gets kicked

Ever seen Hitch? I always think about the scene where he’s on a date and kicks the girl into the water whenever I’m trying to re-position in the bed. No matter how hard we try, every now and then, some body part gets kicked.

A child needs an answer

We lock our doors. We taught our kids to knock. They aren’t going to come in on us, but we’ve had to stop everything on many occasions to have full discussions with a child through the door. #moodkiller

Someone reaches their step goal

My fitbit has been known to throw many a party during a nice romp. Apparently, sexual motions are the same as walking motions. If you wear a fitbit, then I’m sure you know how much this can take you out of the moment.

Have anything embarrassing to add to the list of not so sexy things that happen during sex? Leave me a message in the comments. It’s nice to commiserate with those that get it.

Other things on my mind:

Just saw that The Dating Divas put 4 of their most popular books on sale for just $1. One of them is the Ultimate Date Night Book. I actually own the book. Two of my favorite dates from there is the bookstore date and the porch prom date. If you are looking for creative ideas that are fully fledged out for you, then you should check it out.

Check out this video I did showing off the book and the date ideas I like.

 

Go here to buy the book.


Chat later!

 

One of the Top Libido Killers

Want to know what one of the top libido killers is? Stress. And there’s a lot of it go around, am I right? Now, I get that we all have periods of stress in our lives, but if you live in a perpetual state of stressed out, you need to make changes.

Want to know what one of the top libido killers is? Stress. And there’s a lot of it go around, am I right? Now, I get that we all have periods of stress in our lives, but if you live in a perpetual state of stressed out, you need to make changes.

How much would it change your life, mood, and family interactions if you could actually get enough done in a day? Imagine if you could get caught up and stay that way more often than not. Your stress levels would go way down.

If I’m not careful, I let myself get so sucked into my work and to-do’s that I forget how to have fun. When that happens, I feel like I have to force myself to do fun things and let go. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it happens naturally when I have a good handle on life.

Honestly, I’m not a huge proponent of productivity courses, apps, and materials. This is why I am not going to buy Crystal Paine’s 4 week course to a more productive life. However, Austin has done really really well with productivity systems. That just tells me that there are a lot of people out there that really need someone to give them action plans so they can put them in place.

I guess I’m not personally big on these types of things for the same reason I’m not going to buy a meal plan. But sooooo many people love meal plans and have huge success with them. So, if you are that kind of person- the one that does best when you have someone hand you a rock solid plan of how to get more done, then the productivity course is for you. I trust Crystal and I’ve paid for just about every course she’s ever put out. She’s legit.

If you’re interested, check out her course. 

Other things on my mind this week:

I had a reader tell me they were trying to schedule sex, but it was falling flat. It made me realize that simply telling people to “schedule sex” isn’t enough. So, I wrote 3 ways you can make scheduled sex hot.

Also, I made a discovery on my website this week, husbands do genuinely want to please their wife sexually. Despite what culture has to say, men are not just having sex out of selfish ambition…and I’ve got the analytics to prove it.

Have a great week!

 

*I use affiliate links

3 Ways to Make Scheduled Sex Hot

One of my biggest tips for married couples is to schedule sex. A lot of people buck against me on that one, because they think it takes all the romance and excitement out of it. I think television has made us feel that way. If we don’t rip each other’s clothes off during a kissing frenzy, then it’s not amazing sex. I completely disagree. Scheduled sex can be super hot and here’s how.

One of my biggest tips for married couples is to schedule sex. A lot of people buck against me on that one, because they think it takes all the romance and excitement out of it. I think television has made us feel that way. If we don’t rip each other’s clothes off during a kissing frenzy, then it’s not amazing sex. I completely disagree. Scheduled sex can be super hot and here’s how.

1. Remind Each Other Early in The Day

Like anything else you put on your calendar, it’s important to remind each other about it. If your kid needs to get picked up at a different time, you’re going to send a reminder text right? Supposed to meet someone for dinner? You’re going to mention it before you part ways in the morning. You need to do the same thing on the days you are planning to have sex.

There are plenty of ways you can send sexy reminders to your spouse. You might send them a quick text that says, “can’t wait till later”. Or maybe you leave them a handwritten note in a place they’ll see it.

One of my favorite ways is to shoot a message through an app like Couple. If you establish this app as a place where you only write sexy things to your spouse, then they will know you are sending something steamy when they get the notification. Also, it’s password protected so no worries of the kids or folks at work seeing it.

2. Flirt Throughout the Day

I think a lot of couples abandon flirting after their dating years. What is flirting? I think of it as a loving ways to get your spouse’s attention. Maybe you give them a sexy look from across the room or say compliment the way they look. It could be a cheesy one liner or sweet hug and kiss.

One word of caution about flirting is that you need to learn what types of flirting your spouse responds to best. One of the biggest ways I see husbands flirt with their wives is to grab a boob. Not all women see copping a feel as flirting. Ask them what they like and aim to do those things.

Even if you are not home together, you can send a flirty text. You can call them on the phone for a few minutes and say something sweet to them.

Not sure what to text them? Check out these flirty texts from The Dating Divas.

3. Start Foreplay Before You Head to Bed For Sex

Get each other warmed up before you get to the bedroom. This might be the time when grabbing a boob or pinching a butt is welcomed. It’s a lot of fun to rub on your spouse here and there leading up to bed.

Jay Dee over at Uncovering Intimacy talked about how he and his wife spent a day having sex. They ran off for a few minutes to indulge in a little foreplay. They would stop before he climaxed but would keep going if she could. Women can have multiple orgasms without the refractory period, so it makes this approach fun for them.

The best way to make sex hot is to go into the night already excited. If it’s simply on the schedule, but neither of you says anything about it or act on it, then it will likely fall flat. Use the schedule to your advantage and build anticipation with each other.

*I use affliate links

We Just Coined a New Term- Men’s Sexywear

The results from the lingerie survey are in! While I am not ready to release the results yet, there is one interesting thing that I noticed- not nearly enough men are wearing lingerie. Which begs the question, should we call it lingerie for men?

We Coined the Term Sexywear

We bounced around the idea of what to call it in our private community. We came up with men’s sexywear! I think that sounds a lot better than lingerie for men, personally. What do you think? We played around with manwear, but that conjured up images of lumberjacks in the woods (which might be your thing).

Why Don’t Men Wear Lingerie?

That brings me to my next thought. Why aren’t men wearing more sexywear? I know several men who have told me they’ve asked their wives what they want them to wear and their wives simply don’t know. I get it. There’s not a lot on the market for men at this point, but there is enough for you guys to figure out how to look hot for your wife.

Men’s Sexywear Recommendations

I recommend that if your wife doesn’t give you any ideas, you should start trying some things. Check out this article I wrote about men’s sexy outfits and lingerie.

To add to the list of things I wrote in that article, some of our community members suggested these items:

What else would you add to the list? leave me a comment and let me know. 

Other things on my mind this week:

Austin and I put our marriage course in a bundle of resources from The Dating Divas. It’s on sale for two more days. You can read up on it on the blog and watch the video I recorded to show off what you get inside.

*I use affiliate links