Author: Keelie Reason

Want to know what one of the top libido killers is? Stress. And there’s a lot of it go around, am I right? Now, I get that we all have periods of stress in our lives, but if you live in a perpetual state of stressed out, you need to make changes.

How much would it change your life, mood, and family interactions if you could actually get enough done in a day? Imagine if you could get caught up and stay that way more often than not. Your stress levels would go way down.

If I’m not careful, I let myself get so sucked into my work and to-do’s that I forget how to have fun. When that happens, I feel like I have to force myself to do fun things and let go. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it happens naturally when I have a good handle on life.

Honestly, I’m not a huge proponent of productivity courses, apps, and materials. This is why I am not going to buy Crystal Paine’s 4 week course to a more productive life. However, Austin has done really really well with productivity systems. That just tells me that there are a lot of people out there that really need someone to give them action plans so they can put them in place.

I guess I’m not personally big on these types of things for the same reason I’m not going to buy a meal plan. But sooooo many people love meal plans and have huge success with them. So, if you are that kind of person- the one that does best when you have someone hand you a rock solid plan of how to get more done, then the productivity course is for you. I trust Crystal and I’ve paid for just about every course she’s ever put out. She’s legit.

If you’re interested, check out her course. 

Other things on my mind this week:

I had a reader tell me they were trying to schedule sex, but it was falling flat. It made me realize that simply telling people to “schedule sex” isn’t enough. So, I wrote 3 ways you can make scheduled sex hot.

Also, I made a discovery on my website this week, husbands do genuinely want to please their wife sexually. Despite what culture has to say, men are not just having sex out of selfish ambition…and I’ve got the analytics to prove it.

Have a great week!

*I use affiliate links

One of my biggest tips for married couples is to schedule sex. A lot of people buck against me on that one, because they think it takes all the romance and excitement out of it. I think television has made us feel that way. If we don’t rip each other’s clothes off during a kissing frenzy, then it’s not amazing sex. I completely disagree. Scheduled sex can be super hot and here’s how.

1. Remind Each Other Early in The Day

Like anything else you put on your calendar, it’s important to remind each other about it. If your kid needs to get picked up at a different time, you’re going to send a reminder text right? Supposed to meet someone for dinner? You’re going to mention it before you part ways in the morning. You need to do the same thing on the days you are planning to have sex.

There are plenty of ways you can send sexy reminders to your spouse. You might send them a quick text that says, “can’t wait till later”. Or maybe you leave them a handwritten note in a place they’ll see it.

One of my favorite ways is to shoot a message through an app like Couple. If you establish this app as a place where you only write sexy things to your spouse, then they will know you are sending something steamy when they get the notification. Also, it’s password protected so no worries of the kids or folks at work seeing it.

2. Flirt Throughout the Day

I think a lot of couples abandon flirting after their dating years. What is flirting? I think of it as a loving ways to get your spouse’s attention. Maybe you give them a sexy look from across the room or say compliment the way they look. It could be a cheesy one liner or sweet hug and kiss.

One word of caution about flirting is that you need to learn what types of flirting your spouse responds to best. One of the biggest ways I see husbands flirt with their wives is to grab a boob. Not all women see copping a feel as flirting. Ask them what they like and aim to do those things.

Even if you are not home together, you can send a flirty text. You can call them on the phone for a few minutes and say something sweet to them.

Not sure what to text them? Check out these flirty texts from The Dating Divas.

3. Start Foreplay Before You Head to Bed For Sex

Get each other warmed up before you get to the bedroom. This might be the time when grabbing a boob or pinching a butt is welcomed. It’s a lot of fun to rub on your spouse here and there leading up to bed.

Jay Dee over at Uncovering Intimacy talked about how he and his wife spent a day having sex. They ran off for a few minutes to indulge in a little foreplay. They would stop before he climaxed but would keep going if she could. Women can have multiple orgasms without the refractory period, so it makes this approach fun for them.

The best way to make sex hot is to go into the night already excited. If it’s simply on the schedule, but neither of you says anything about it or act on it, then it will likely fall flat. Use the schedule to your advantage and build anticipation with each other.

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The results from the lingerie survey are in! While I am not ready to release the results yet, there is one interesting thing that I noticed- not nearly enough men are wearing lingerie. Which begs the question, should we call it lingerie for men?

We Coined the Term Sexywear

We bounced around the idea of what to call it in our private community. We came up with men’s sexywear! I think that sounds a lot better than lingerie for men, personally. What do you think? We played around with manwear, but that conjured up images of lumberjacks in the woods (which might be your thing).

Why Don’t Men Wear Lingerie?

That brings me to my next thought. Why aren’t men wearing more sexywear? I know several men who have told me they’ve asked their wives what they want them to wear and their wives simply don’t know. I get it. There’s not a lot on the market for men at this point, but there is enough for you guys to figure out how to look hot for your wife.

Men’s Sexywear Recommendations

I recommend that if your wife doesn’t give you any ideas, you should start trying some things. Check out this article I wrote about men’s sexy outfits and lingerie.

To add to the list of things I wrote in that article, some of our community members suggested these items:

• Tight white t-shirts
• Cologne (One of my favorites is Adidas Moves)
• Silky boxers (you can grab some comfy ones from Honoring Intimates under the sale tab. Austin got a pair and they were nice.)
• Compression t-shirts
• Suits (my personal favorite)
• And of course, a sexy lumberjack outfit!

What else would you add to the list? leave me a comment and let me know. 

Other things on my mind this week:

Austin and I put our marriage course in a bundle of resources from The Dating Divas. It’s on sale for two more days. You can read up on it on the blog and watch the video I recorded to show off what you get inside.

*I use affiliate links

I had a reader ask me to do a video about sex toys for men. Just as a note, I believe that all marital aids should be used between a husband and wife. I don’t think you should purchase sex toys so that you can please yourself as a way of avoiding sex with your spouse. Or use toys without your spouse’s knowledge.

If you want to learn more about this, you can go here to check it out.

If you would rather read about the sex toys available for men, you can check out this post I wrote.

Looking for a good place to buy a new toy? I trust Married Dance for this type of purchase because they are porn free on the site and only ship porn free packaging. There are a lot of things you just don’t need to see in the sex toy world. But, Married Dance offers great products for Christians.

Here is a link to a stretchy cock ring that is designed to go over a man’s penis and balls.

Here is a link to several strokers for guys.

Even after 30 years of marriage, my parent still kiss each other goodbye every day. I remember seeing this small act of love while I was growing up. They may not realize this, but that act made me realize the importance of kissing my husband every day. Now that I’m married, I also do this daily in my marriage. Here are some ways things I’ve taken away from it.

We Don’t Go to Bed Angry

It’s very hard to be upset for long periods when you’re kissing each other several times a day. Yes, there are still moments when we’re mad at one another, but we still kiss each other daily. What people may not realize is that kissing creates a deep bond with your spouse. It forms a connection that you want to keep.

Kissing Leads to Physical Affection

Now, my husband is very physically affectionate and I have to work at it because I’m not naturally that way. However, because I make a conscious decision to kiss him every day, we often engage in lots of fun flirting and other forms of physical affection. The small step of kissing makes it easier to show him affection in many ways.

Sex Doesn’t Always Happen And That’s a Good Thing

It’s important to be physically affectionate with your spouse without it leading to the bedroom. Establishing touch that isn’t sexual is necessary in marriage. There are many ways bonding should happen without it leading to sex. If kissing your spouse is only happening in the bedroom, you’re missing out on creating a lasting bond with your spouse.

Sex Does Happen And That’s a Good Thing

The practice of being physically affectionate with one another can result in sex and that’s great! Continual kissing during the day strengthens the bond between you. There are days when a kiss lingers and foretells something that will happen later on.

My Marriage Is Happy

When my husband is gone during the day, our daily kisses help me remember why I miss him. When he comes home, I feel joyful and I get excited when I see him. While enjoying affection in the bedroom is great, taking the focus out of the bedroom helps me form a deeper bond with him.

A small gesture like daily kissing is a simple way to strengthen your relationship. I have seen this do amazing things in marriages, including my parents’, and I know it’s helping mine. Anything that strengthens your marriage is worth investing in.

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The owner of Married Dance put together these great tips on vibrators. He was gracious enough to let me share these tips with you. I know I learned a lot from these ideas. It can be scary to buy a vibrator, because you have no idea what it will feel like or if it is a waste of money. These tips will help you pick out the right one.

1. Bullet and Egg Vibrators

If you’ve never used a vibrators before, these are a good kinds to start with. Bullet vibrators are usually small and can be used to from stimulation during foreplay. You can them take a step further and add some spice to intercourse.

Egg vibrators are named as such because they are shaped like a flattened egg. Instead of holding them like the bullet, these ones are cupped by your hand. These types can be used both on the wife and husband.

2. Wireless Remote Controlled Vibrators

Operating these toys can be quite fun. Just like other vibrators I’ll mention in a minute, they can be enjoyed during foreplay and intercourse. Here are two ways to use them:

• The husband uses the bullet vibrators and places it inside the wife. She has the remote to control the level of stimulation. Oral or manual stimulation can accompany the use this type.
• The wife takes the egg vibrator, cups it in her hand and places it underneath her husband’s testicles. He gets the remote this time, allowing him to control his own pleasure. Oral stimulation from the wife pairs well with this technique. This one is best used if you want “catch a breath during intercourse”.

3. Wearable Vibrators

These types of vibrators can be worn by your husband during intercourse. A stretchy ring is placed around the bullet vibrator so it can be worn on the penis. It then vibrates to stimulate your husband during intercourse while at the same time stimulating your clitoris.

4. Bullet Vibrators With a Flat Tip

The vibrators have a flat tip at one end. This is primarily for the wife’s use. The flat tip enables optimal clitoral stimulation to be reached by easily targeting where she needs it.

5. Rumbly Vibrators

While most vibrators have a low humming sound, these rumbly vibrators are quite the opposite. Although they are still quiet, they are very powerful. The powerful rumble enhances lovemaking by delivering an intense charge of stimulation during foreplay or even intercourse.

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Just so you know, I freaking love Denis. He is the owner of Melt Massage, which is a video course that teaches you how to massage your spouse. I have gone through the course and done these massages for Austin in the past. Today, Denis released a breast massage video on YouTube. Don’t worry! There’s nothing sexual about it.

He goes through the tutorial on the streets of Spain. Breast massage is so important! For one, it can be used as an early detection of cancer or cysts. Also, it can help you restore lost breast tissue and increase your breast size and fullness.

How to Do a Breast Massage

If you want to check out his full video courses go here. Want the most amazing oils for massage? Check out his blends on Amazon here.

He has done a really great job showing how you can make this massage sensual for both men and women. I’m so happy he does these tutorials. Tell me what you think about it!

*i use affiliate links

6 Things You Should Never Say To Your Spouse

Any relationship worth having takes work. In every relationship, there will come a point where someone will get hurt. You never know how your words will affect someone you love. There is no secret formula to predict if they’ll be hurt, but there are 6 things you should never say to your spouse.

1. I Don’t Care

When someone you love hears these words, it’s like you’re saying you don’t care about them. Do everything you can to avoid saying these words. When your spouse hears that you don’t care about something they care about, it can really damage your relationship. This is especially true if they feel you don’t care about them.

2. Have You Put On Weight?

This is just a bad idea any way you look at it. If you ask your spouse about their weight, it is the same as telling them you think they’re fat. This is just plain hurtful. Even if you don’t think that, and you’re just concerned about their health, take a different approach. Making comments like this will only begin to put up a wall between you.

3. You Don’t Look As Attractive As You Used To

Okay. Yes, our bodies were made to age. It is obvious that no one is going to look the same at 38 as they did at 22. It’s ridiculous to expect your spouse to look the same way they did when you were first married. But, there are plenty of ways to communicate these feelings without saying them.

Implying or saying that you don’t feel your spouse is as attractive as they used to be, is damaging to their self esteem. You want to build your spouse up, not crush them.

4. Sex Isn’t That Important To Me

It is very hard for a spouse with high libido to hear their partner doesn’t think sex is that big of a priority. This makes them feel unimportant. When you say this, you’re essentially saying it’s too hard for you to meet your spouse’s needs.

5. I’m Leaving You

It’s true that we all say hurtful things when we’re angry. Married couples often say things they wish they could take back. Some words are more damaging than others. Telling your spouse you are leaving them can cause serious damage to your marriage. You should never say this to your spouse. It can also cause distrust in your marriage. Unless you’re fully prepared to walk out the door, don’t threaten to.

6. Why Don’t You Act More Like…?

It will wreck your relationship if you start comparing your spouse to others. Regardless of who you are comparing your spouse to, expecting them to act like someone else will damage your marriage. It isn’t fair to your spouse to wish they were like someone else. Remember, you married them for the unique individual they are.

Tending to your marriage can be difficult. When you’re living with another person, disagreements may happen. It is important to remember that when it comes to relationships, these are definitely things you should never say to one another.

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Brace yourself. I am about to unashamedly tell you why masturbation is not healthy for your marriage. Are you wondering why? I believe solo sex hinders your marriage relationship for these reasons.

There Is A Purpose For Masturbation Within Marriage

I want to clarify something about the difference between masturbation and solo sex. I am not suggesting that masturbation (achieving orgasm with your own hands) should never occur. It can have its place during intimacy with your spouse if you both are comfortable with that. However, solo sex (pleasing yourself alone) is not helping your marital relationship.

There may be times when you have to spend extended time apart from your spouse. I also want to clarify that I am not suggesting you should go without sexual release during this time. I am encouraging you to include your spouse in your sexual desires which includes self-stimulation.

Solo Sex Damages Your Marriage

It is a popular misconception that solo sex enhances your marriage. I’m just not getting that idea. There are many people out there who feel spending time exploring yourself will make sex better with your spouse. I have not heard any legitimate reasons why this could be true.

The more you engage in solo sex, the less you will want to engage in physical intimacy with your spouse. Why would you want to initiate sex when you’ve already satisfied yourself? While solo sex is faster, you are missing out on connecting with your spouse.

Yes, engaging in sexual intercourse takes much more work than solo sex. The more you desire solo sex, the less you’ll desire your spouse. You will eventually have less sex because you are already getting it by yourself. This will damage your relationship down the road.  

Sexual Release Replaces Sexual Intimacy

Sexual intimacy is “intimacy” for a reason. It requires two people. There is a special mental and physical bond that happens during sex that leads to mutual satisfaction. Sex is so much more than just achieving an orgasm.

Sexual intimacy with your spouse establishes a connection with them that you cannot achieve during solo sex. Some people believe that solo sex helps you connect with yourself. Find a way to do that with your spouse.

Talk with your spouse about your sexual needs and desires. It hurts your marriage to replace intimacy with solo release. You will miss out on creating an amazing connection with your spouse.

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Many woman struggle with their sexual health and have no idea where to start. First and foremost, it is important to realize that men are easily aroused through physical encounters, while women require more emotional connection. In order for a woman to reach the point of orgasm, her mind and emotions must be completely engaged with her partner. Once this occurs, truly amazing sex can be enjoyed by both.

Most women struggle with the way that they think about themselves. Women have many reasons as to why they struggle with having the right mindset for sex. I have listed several ways that you can prepare yourself to have the right attitude for enjoyable sex with your spouse.

You can read the full post at Love Hope  Adventure