Category: communication

6 Things You Should Never Say To Your Spouse

Any relationship worth having takes work. In every relationship, there will come a point where someone will get hurt. You never know how your words will affect someone you love. There is no secret formula to predict if they’ll be hurt, but there are 6 things you should never say to your spouse.

1. I Don’t Care

When someone you love hears these words, it’s like you’re saying you don’t care about them. Do everything you can to avoid saying these words. When your spouse hears that you don’t care about something they care about, it can really damage your relationship. This is especially true if they feel you don’t care about them.

2. Have You Put On Weight?

This is just a bad idea any way you look at it. If you ask your spouse about their weight, it is the same as telling them you think they’re fat. This is just plain hurtful. Even if you don’t think that, and you’re just concerned about their health, take a different approach. Making comments like this will only begin to put up a wall between you.

3. You Don’t Look As Attractive As You Used To

Okay. Yes, our bodies were made to age. It is obvious that no one is going to look the same at 38 as they did at 22. It’s ridiculous to expect your spouse to look the same way they did when you were first married. But, there are plenty of ways to communicate these feelings without saying them.

Implying or saying that you don’t feel your spouse is as attractive as they used to be, is damaging to their self esteem. You want to build your spouse up, not crush them.

4. Sex Isn’t That Important To Me

It is very hard for a spouse with high libido to hear their partner doesn’t think sex is that big of a priority. This makes them feel unimportant. When you say this, you’re essentially saying it’s too hard for you to meet your spouse’s needs.

5. I’m Leaving You

It’s true that we all say hurtful things when we’re angry. Married couples often say things they wish they could take back. Some words are more damaging than others. Telling your spouse you are leaving them can cause serious damage to your marriage. You should never say this to your spouse. It can also cause distrust in your marriage. Unless you’re fully prepared to walk out the door, don’t threaten to.

6. Why Don’t You Act More Like…?

It will wreck your relationship if you start comparing your spouse to others. Regardless of who you are comparing your spouse to, expecting them to act like someone else will damage your marriage. It isn’t fair to your spouse to wish they were like someone else. Remember, you married them for the unique individual they are.

Tending to your marriage can be difficult. When you’re living with another person, disagreements may happen. It is important to remember that when it comes to relationships, these are definitely things you should never say to one another.

*this post contains affiliate links

This week, Keelie did a scope about talking after sex. We’ve written before about talking during sex, but what about afterwards? Are you a snuggler? A sleeper? Do you just get up right away? Do you ever talk?

Never Assume

Communication is just as important in your sex life as it is in any other area of your marriage. One area that can get couples into trouble is assuming that things are ok. It’s easy to think that if you’re satisfied your spouse must be satisfied as well. It may not occur to you that even though you had an orgasm, your spouse didn’t. That new position that blew your mind may have been really bad for them. If these assumptions go unchecked, you may find yourself hitting a roadblock, or worse, in your sex life. Talking is the solution to this problem.

Talk before, during, and after sex

It’s important to talk before sex to communicate expectations. It may help to discuss some details about tonight’s upcoming love making. Are you looking for hot and heavy, or slow and relaxed? Talking about this in advance can prevent a lot of hurt feelings and frustration. You can talk over new things that you would like to try. Break out the Sexy Truth or Dare cards you got when you signed up for this newsletter and ask some detailed questions.

Talking during sex has all kinds of benefits. It can get your head back in the game when your mind starts wandering. The simple act of talking and making noise can get your blood and adrenaline flowing and help your physical arousal.

Talking after sex is a little different. Talking afterwards is more like a review – a “debrief” as Keelie called it on her scope. It’s an opportunity to figure out what worked and what didn’t. Ask your spouse the simple, cliche, cheesy old line – “Was it good for you, baby?”

Ask Specific Questions

If you’ve tried something new, ask how it went. Ask if your spouse got everything they were hoping for. Did she orgasm? Did she orgasm enough times? Did he enjoy everything? Do you want to try doing things differently next time? The same?

It may be tough to start these conversations if you aren’t already talking about sex. It’s worth the effort, however, to push through the awkwardness. If you can get comfortable talking to one another about sex, you will unlock the ability to really grow in your physical intimacy.

Two Tips to Get Started

The first things that you have to do if you’re trying to get comfortable talking about sex in specifics is to develop a bedroom language. If you don’t have a vocabulary, it will be difficult to have any meaningful conversations. Once you have that established, you need to find a way to get started. One fun and easy way to get some of these conversations going is with our Sexy Truth or Dare ebook.