Ograsms are complicated for many women. Just because you can reach climax one way, doesn’t mean you can reach it through a different method. Having only one way to orgasm can be discouraging for some women. Not being able to reach that point at all is even more discouraging.
I’m going to assume that if you are reading this, then you aren’t against sex toys. If you are, then this isn’t an article for you.
I want to give you a few tips on using a vibrator to achieve orgasm with your spouse. Just as a side note, I’m of the opinion that there’s no place for solo sex in marriage. I define solo sex as giving yourself sexual pleasure without your spouse around or their knowledge of what’s happening.
Picking the Right Toy
Choosing the right vibrator is the difficult part. You might be able to orgasm with one variety over another. This is where the trial and error (and unfortunately, expense) comes in. If you pick one toy that doesn’t work for you, that doesn’t mean you should trash it. It may mean you need more practice, or to try something different.
Here’s a quick look at the different types of vibrators-
A bullet is egg shaped and typically has a simple control. You can increase or decrease the vibrations and that’s about it. The bullet is a great first toy, because it is not complicated to use, and generally, they are cheap.
The bullet vibrators can be rubbed over the clitoris or even inserted into the vagina. Some women may like to have two so that one can be inserted while the other one is rubbed on them.
This is also a good solution if you are struggling to get the right stimulation for rear entry positions.
The downside to bullets is that they are really slippery. All sex toys should be covered in lubrication before use, to keep irritation from occurring. Holding a slimy, vibrating ball can be a bit challenging.
Vibrating Penis Rings
The vibrating penis ring is meant to go on your husband and positioned to stimulate you during sex. It is important to note that your husband may have a hard time getting the ring on his penis if he is fully erect. He should put it on with lubrication prior to becoming too stimulated.
A dual action vibrator has a wand that is inserted into the vagina. It also has a vibrating rabbit, or some other type of stimulation on the outside. That is designed to be held against the clitirous and moved around.
Depending on the style, this sex toy may have a vibrator in the wand as well as the rabbit on the outside. The one with the vibrator on the outside usually offer greater stimulation and more vibration variety.
The vibrating massager is similar to a bullet or egg vibrator. The good thing about this type is that it is easier to hold onto than an egg depending on the type of stimulation you are trying to give.
These are just a few of the types of vibrators you can get. Check out the selection at Married Dance. I trust the toys there, because I know the owner. He makes sure all toys are phthalate free and in porn free packaging.
How to Orgasm With a Vibrator
Once you have chosen the toy you want to try, then it is time to experiment. Here’s a few things to keep in mind when using this type of stimulation.
To keep you from being irritated or overly stimulated, apply lubrication to the toy. Whatever lube you generally use should be fine. Coat the toy with the lube and place some on your vagina and clitoris as well.
There are different speeds on a vibrator. Depending on what you purchased, there may even be different patterns and motions. Whatever you do, start off with a slow vibration. You can always go up on intensity if it isn’t hard enough.
Move The Toy Around
Another way to help your body build up to the stimulation is to move the toy around instead of keeping it in place. Teasing can be helpful when you are getting started. Although, I wouldn’t recommend teasing once you get really excited, because it might wreck your momentum.
Light touches work well at the beginning, because it helps to build excitement. If you are getting over stimulated from the toy, back off the speed and reduce the pressure. You might even need to take it off of yourself completely.
Increase the Speed
As you warm up, the sensations should begin to build. Let your husband know when to increase the speed and how much. If the speed is too much for you, then pull the toy away from your clitoris a bit. That will keep the intensity down as you build up more.
If you or your spouse is using a hand held toy, then you should consider adding in some foreplay. Ask him to do other things you enjoy besides just using the toy. These acts will increase the sensations and help you to reach orgasm.
Try Different Positions
You might want to start out lying on your back. That will let you be comfortable as you get warmed up. If it just isn’t doing enough, then get on your knees and let your husband reach you from behind. Standing up may be a good position for you as well. Each position you get into will give you a different sensation, so explore what works best.
You might want to-
- put a pillow under you butt if you are lying on the bed
- lean back while standing up
- pull the lips of your vagina open and up to expose more of your clitoris
Look at What’s Happening
One of the best things about using toys is it allows you to see what’s going on. This means you need the lights up and get into a position you can see. Rely on mirrors if you need to. If you don’t have a well place mirror, then use the camera on your phone to look into. (I wouldn’t recommend recording if your phone automatically backs up to the cloud- I’m thinking no one wants Sex Tape to become a reality for them).
Experiment With The Toy on Yourself
I don’t recommend you getting off by yourself to experiment with your toy. What I’m suggesting is that you let your husband watch you pleasing yourself. I recognize that this is very vulnerable and something you’ll have to get comfortable with over time. But, it’s really good for you to push yourself to let your spouse see you losing control.
Using the toy on yourself and letting your husband watch you can give him ideas of what you need. Communication is also really important. If you need him to do something for you, then tell him.
Try More Than One Toy
If you don’t respond well to one toy, it might not be you. It could be that you have a toy that isn’t strong enough for your, or it is too strong. Consider getting another toy before you give up on being able to orgasm with them.
Know What to Expect
It is very possible that the first time you use a vibrator will be the best experience you have with the toy. Generally, when you try anything for the first time, you will have the greatest experience, because it is new. Don’t feel discouraged if the times thereafter are not as good. You can still enjoy using a vibrator.
Why Use a Vibrator?
There are a lot of scenarios in which vibrators can come in handy. Here’s a few ideas of when you might want to get it out-
- During periods– if you don’t like having sex on your period, then a vibrator can make for a great solution. You can use it on your clitirous without taking out your tampon or Dutchess Cup.
- On vacation– if you take a family vacation where you have to share a room with your kids, a vibrator can really come in handy. Many are waterproof (not all), so your spouse can use it while you are in the shower. Having sex standing up may not cause you to orgasm, so this will help you.
- When you are on pelvic rest- after you have a baby, there are several weeks where you aren’t supposed to be penetrated. A toy used just on your clitirous can help you orgasm without hurting yourself. If you are put on pelvic rest for the sake of a UTI, you may not want to use a toy. That’s a question for your doctor.
- If you’re struggling to orgasm– often times, women incorporate toys if they are struggling to orgasm at all. If your hormones have taken a dip, it can make it much more difficult to reach climax. The same is true if you are in a season where you are overly tired. This can give you a short term solution to bond with your spouse.
Should You Use A Toy Regularly?
This is all a personal opinion here, but I think that you should figure out how to orgasm in many different ways. Once you figure out how to climax one way consistently, then you should add in variety. Here’s why you should learn to reach the Big O different ways-
- Won’t get bored- I know it sounds crazy that you would get bored from having this type of physical pleasure, but it happens. If you and your spouse have the same exact routine every time you make love, it is going to get boring. That is why being able to climax in different positions and with different methods is helpful.
- More flexible– if you rely on only one way to get there, then you are limiting yourself. It won’t always be appropriate to pull out a vibrator. Or you may not have space to get into the sex position you really enjoy. That’s why it is a good idea to expand your abilities.
- Become a master at sex– when you and your spouse have to figure out new positions and ways to orgasm, you get better at sex. Mastering physical intimacy is a lifetime commitment. You never know what you’ll grow to love over time.
Hopefully these tips will help you to orgasm with your purchase. If you have any particular questions, be sure to send me a message at Keelie@lovehopeadventure.com and I will work to find an answer for you.