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Everybody Wants To Know About Anal Sex

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I was talking to Jay Dee from Sex Within Marriage earlier and he was sharing that he keeps getting requests to talk about butt play and anal sex. We both agreed that you kind of have to be in the mood to talk about that subject, which he was not quite ready to do.

As I was looking at what people have been searching for here on the site, “anal” has come up in the search bar a few times. Apparently, everybody wants to know about anal sex.

Here’s the thing, I kind of didn’t even want to address this topic, because I know that there are some Christian marriage bloggers that take the stance that this is not a good option for your sexual intimacy. Other Christian marriage bloggers think it is just fine.

What do I think? Well…I think it is up to you. At the end of the day, the sexual choices you make are really up to you and your spouse. There are definitely some things that people do in their bedrooms that is against scripture, such as looking at porn or inviting others into their rooms.

When it comes to anal sex, I think some people will say that it is wrong according to the Bible. I really think you have to figure that one out on your own.

Should You Have Anal Sex?

Questions about anal sex

Again, this is a decision that you and your spouse have got to make with one another. There is no way that I, or any other blogger can decide that for you. I’ve tried to give you the information you need it you were to decide to have anal sex.

Make note that it is hazardous to have anal sex and then go to vaginal sex without cleaning up with hot soapy water. Spreading the bacteria from back to front can cause urinary tract infections.

I do want to give you some things to think about when it comes to this type of play.

You Need the Right Lube

It’s pretty important that you get anal lube like this one- Cleanstream Water-based Anal Lube 8oz. Unlike the vagina, your bum doesn’t produce lubrication. It’s pretty important to have a water based lube that will not dry out as quickly.

There are some lubes that are supposed to work as analgesics, but seriously, I don’t know if I’d recommend that. If it’s hurting your booty, you need to know.

Condoms Are a Good Idea

There is all sorts of bacteria that you are going to come into contact with. Using a condom will protect your husband. It might also help with your comfort levels to have the smoothness of a condom. Go with a condom like this Trojan Condom ENZ Lubricated, 36 Count and not a ribbed one.

Avoid if You Are Dealing With Hemorrhoids

This might be a no-brainer, but I thought I’d mention that if you have hemorrhoids that are current flared up or could flare up, you would be better off skipping this activity. Hemorrhoids hurt like crazy when nothing’s happening, so you’re going to be right much pain if you try this out.

Go So Very Slow

Slow Down

Anal sex requires going very slowly. Many people do not engage in anal, because it is so painful for them. If it is painful, then you need to re-adjust or stop altogether. Believe me, you don’t want to cause damage to yourself down there.

This is actually one of the reasons that some of the bloggers I follow do not condone anal sex. They feel that the health risks involved are just not worth it. That is why I say it is really important that you go slow and quit if it is painful.

It can be helpful for you to tell your husband to stay still and you push back slowly. Even once your spouse gets inside of you, he’s not going to be able to go very fast then, either.

Relax, Relax, Relax

You will have to figure out how to relax yourself. If you tense up during anal, it is going to hurt you and you won’t be successful.

Likely, you’ll feel like you have to poop. It will only be natural for your muscles to push. Just keep reminding yourself to stay relaxed.

Use a Vibrator

Consider using a vibrator to stimulate your cliteros while having anal sex. It will help you to enjoy this position more. When you are stimulated, you have the ability to withstand discomfort more. It’ll also combat that feeling of needing to poop.

Here are a few vibrator choices from Married Dance that might work-

Classic Vibrator

Bullet Vibrator

Married Dance has a pretty huge selection of vibrators. Whatever type of vibrator you use, you will need to be able to reach yourself. This will not be something your husband can hold in place for you, because all of his attention will need to be on what he’s doing.

Should You Wear Butt Plugs to Loosen Your Anus?

Well…you can wear a butt plug to help loosen your anus if you want to. Some say it is necessary to stretch out your bottom some, but other say it isn’t necessary. If you have never had anything up your bottom before, you might consider trying. This will help you know what to expect.

Do You Need to Use an Enema?

Here’s another one of those questions that have various answers. It would probably be for the best that you aren’t backed up if you are going to engage in anal sex. At least make sure you’ve had a bowel movement during the day at some point.

Some people will use enemas in preparation. I do not have experience with enemas. You just need to make the decision on your own.

Anal Sex Requires a Lot of Preparation

By now, you are probably wondering why anyone in the world even bothers with anal. This laundry list of things you have to do to prepare is a big reason people don’t try, or aren’t successful.

If you do want to try anal, it will take patience, communication, and a lot of time. Don’t think this will be something that you can just spring on your spouse. You’ll need to set up a night when you try and make sure you have all of the things needed.

Good luck if you try it out.

See my post on being bold on initiating.

Be Bold When You Initiate

Sexy Bedroom Game For Couples- All Night Love Affair

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If you didn’t know, I really love sexy bedroom games for couples. I think that these fun games can take the pressure of you and your spouse when it is time to have sex with one another.

Check out this board game called All Night Love Affair. It comes with sexy suggestions and dice.

Feel free to use my affiliate link below, or head over to Married Dance to learn more about the game. Use my code LOVE at checkout to receive 10% off your order.

Sexy Bedroom Game All Night Love Affair

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Ways to Make Oral Sex Better With Your Spouse

Some people have a hard time with oral sex for a number of reasons. It can range from not knowing how to give their spouse good oral sex to feeling reserve about cleanliness; and everything in between. Whether you are confident about giving and receiving oral or not, there are things you can do to make it better.

Get Clean

It will make both you and your spouse feel better if you have cleaned up ahead of time. Before you come to the bed, take time to really clean yourself up. Add your favorite fragrance to your body, but avoid areas where your spouse will kiss you.

Look at What’s Going On

If you are the one receiving oral sex, it can add to the experience to see what’s going on. Get in front of a mirror or use a handheld mirror so you can get a better look. The right lighting is also key, so make sure it’s not too dark.

Stare In Your Lover’s Eyes

The person that is giving oral sex to their spouse should periodically look up to catch their eyes. Even if it is a brief moment, locking eyes with your lover makes it more intimate.

Don’t Be Afraid to Give Instructions

Whether you are giving or receiving, don’t be afraid to tell your spouse what you need out of them. The person that is giving might need their lover to get into a different position so they can reach them better. The one receiving might need the motions harder, softer, faster, so on.

Try Different Positions

There is more than one way to position yourself while receiving oral sex. Christian Friendly Sex Positions have a few great position ideas for men and women.

Oral Sex Positions for Women

Breakfast at Tiffany’s 

Blazing Saddles

Under the Sink

Oral Sex Positions for Men

Throat Swab

Plumber

Jack Hammer

With these different positions, you might find that something feels better than others.

If you are in need of helps on how to feel more comfortable with giving one another oral sex, you can try these tips.

How to feel more comfortable pleasing one another with mouths

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Sex Toys- Yay or Nay?

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I know that the subject of whether or not you should use sex toys is pretty controversial. However, controversial or not, we need to have this conversation. I try hard to never stay away from a topic because it might bring a severe amount of judgement on me.

When it comes to sex toys, I think a lot of people have hangups- and rightly so. For many people, the first thing that comes to mind when they think of toys are handcuffs and tickle whips.

Sex Toys For Erectile Dysfunction and Reaching Orgasm

Did you know that there are things that are designed to help men with ED? Women can use vibrators to help them reach orgasm, and there are other toys that will help them feel more aroused.

In this video, I talk about this issue and help you walk through whether or not it is right for you and your spouse.

My Favorite Sexy Bedroom Game For Married Couples

Before I became a blogger, Austin and I created this sexy bedroom game to play. We actually made it for someone else to enjoy, but decided we would use ourselves, also. It turned out to be a huge benefit for us as a married couple. Not only that, it has helped us to be creative in developing other couples bedroom games.

How Sexy Bedroom Games Help Your Sex Life

What I have found with these types of games, it that it can help me be more confident in the bedroom. Since the foreplay moves are so specific, it helps me to know what to do each step of the way. I don’t have to try and get creative on the spot, I just do the next thing on the card.

The other thing I’ve noticed is that it helps me to have inspiration to draw from at other times. Even when I’m not playing the bedroom game, I can use some of the foreplay ideas to be spontaneous during other times of sex. It has really helped me to grow in my confidence in that area.

I hope that it will do the same thing for you.

Here’s a little more information about it in the Facebook video I did today.

If you would like to receive these free printables, be sure to sign up for the newsletter on my sister site.

Free access to my couples bedroom games

I also wrote a full blog post about it that you can check out. There are full instructions of how to play it.

It’s Getting Hot In Here

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2 Things You Can Do Tonight to Spice Up Your Sex Life

It is so important to invest in your sex life with your spouse. Every now and then, you can do new things that will keep things spicy in the bedroom.

Today, I want to share two things you can try tonight that will spice things up a bit.

1. Try More Than One Sex Position During Your Session

All married couples have their old stand bys that they enjoy when it comes to sexual intimacy. Why not try another position before you end the way you like. By doing two or three different sex positions in the same session, you and your spouse are sure to feel more excited.

By going with more than one position, you both will need to do a lot of communicating. Also, it will get your blood flowing and keep you from getting too comfortable during your time together.

If you need some new positions to consider, you can check Christian Friendly Sex Positions.  They are a clean website that is void of porn or bad language.

2. Get In Front of the Mirror

Spend some time with your lover in front of the mirror. If you can have sex in front of a mirror, then go for it. However, if there isn’t a way for you to do that, then consider standing in front of the mirror together and looking at one another naked.

You can also use smaller hand held mirrors to help you see what’s going on if you are having a hard time seeing.

By looking at what is going on between you and your spouse in the mirror, you can build up great sexual memories. Later on, you can recall back to the way things looked in your mind.

These are two quick tips on how you can spice things up in your bedroom tonight.

What if My Kids Can Hear Me Having Sex? Help!


I know that a lot of couples worry about being too loud while having sex. It can be a pretty embarrasing thought that someone might be able to hear you. It can be even more embarrassing to think that your children might hear you.

Will My Kids Hear Me?

There is no real way of knowing whether or not your kids will hear you having sex unless they say something to you. If they are really young, they may ask you about it because of concern. If they are old enough to know what sex is, I’m willing to bet they will not come to you and say anything.

When I was growing up, I had a bedroom that was right next to my parent’s room. I know that they enjoyed a very active love life, but I never heard them when I was a child living next to them.

Even though I’m a very light sleeper and have deal with insomnia my entire life, I never remember hearing them. In the first few hours of the night is when you get some of your deepest sleep. Should you have kids that tend to wake up, you will likely get a couple of hours while they are sleeping.

Will it Damage My Children To Hear Me Have Sex?

When I was a teenager, I knew that my parents were having fun with one another. I think there might have been one or two times when I heard them, but it didn’t bother me at all. In fact, it was normal, because they are married, and married people are the ones that should be having sex.

They were outspoken with me that they enjoyed their time together and that it was something I could look forward to when I was married. Their openness with me about sex has really helped me in my married life.

Ways to Deal With Being Self-Conscious About The Noise

Even though it will not hurt your children to hear you, I can totally understand why it would be awkward. I’m privileged to have a bedroom that is on the other side of the house from my kids, so I don’t normally worry about it. If that is not your situation, you can always try some of these ideas:

Go Into a Bathroom or Closet

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If you have an inner closet or bathroom, consider taking your lovemaking session into one of those rooms. Of course you will have to get creative with a standing position, oral sex, or sitting in a chair. This can put another sound buffer between you and your kids.

Play Music or Turn On the Television

You can distort some sounds in your room by turning on music or the television if you have one in your room. The noise that comes from your room will sound more jumbled when you cut on those other things. These alternatives might wake your kids up, but if they aren’t sleeping, it can help.

Make Sure The Kids Are Asleep

Take a look in on your kids and make sure they are asleep. If you have teenagers or older kids, see if their light is still on. You might be able to feel better if your kids are asleep. This might help you feel more confident that they will not hear you.

Sleepover Time!

Send your kids to someone else’s house, whether it is for a sleepover or just a few hours. This way, you can go back to your house and enjoy some loud time together. Everyone needs time to be able to let loose while making love from time to time.

These are some of the ways that you can work on feeling less self-conscious when it comes to making love.

What tips do you have on this? Leave me a not in the comments and let me know.

Free access to my couples bedroom games

Stop Using What Porn Depicts as a Reason to Not Try New Things in Bed

I get it- I do. The thought of porn absolutely sickens me. No longer is this a habit that was once something you had to go out of your way for, now it’s in your face whether you like it or not.

I believe that porn is destroying marriages, romantic relationships, and hurts those that use it. I HATE porn!

That being said, I think that it is really important that we stop using the rise of porn as a reason to not be adventurous in bed. There are many women and men out there that are so scared to try anything new, because they are worried it will resemble porn.

Of course, there are plenty of things depicted that you should stay away from, but does that mean you can’t do anything that is done on screen?

God Created Sex For Us to Enjoy It

Let’s get one thing straight here, God creates sex. He created it for us as married people, to connect and unite with one another. It is a symbol of us becoming one person, by joining together in physically.

Satan Always Corrupts What God Intended For Good

Sex is a good thing that was given to us by a loving God. The problem is, Satan has worked to corrupt this gift, just like he has done with other things that God gave us.

Porn is a corruption of the pure and holy thing the we were given. Does that make every foreplay move and sexual act in porn bad? NO!

Porn Tells You Sex is All About You

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Here’s the thing about porn- it is all selfish. When you watch it, you are being selfish. You are saying that the purpose of sex is all about you and your gratification.

The other thing about porn is that it depicts selfishness as well. One actor (usually the man) is doing everything he can for his own pleasure- nevermind his partner.

Physical union isn’t supposed to be selfish. If the entire reason you are having sex is to focus on your pleasure alone- then you are missing out on the gift God gave us.

You Can Have an Adventurous Sex Life With Your Spouse

Don’t let what porn has done to sex distort the freedom you have with your lover. Just because a sexual act or foreplay idea is seen on the screen, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it with your spouse. You aren’t corrupting your marriage bed, because you and your spouse did something that actors took part in.

If that is the case, then we have to stop having sex altogether, because other people have corrupted it. In fact, if we keep following that same logic, then we have to abandon all things that are good and holy because of what society has done to it.

Worship God Through Your Love Life

When you are thinking about trying new things in the bedroom with your spouse, ask yourself if what you are doing is honoring to God. It isn’t honoring to Him to mistreat your spouse or be mistreated by them. If they want to do something that degrades or abuses- then say no.

Also, it isn’t honoring to God for either you or your spouse to make sex all about yourself. That is not to say that you can’t have times when you accept pleasure without giving it, but your whole love life can’t be one sided. Both people should be giving and receiving during your times together.

Don’t let what this world has done to the good things God gave us, keep you from being adventurous. Explore your spouse and enjoy them in bed. Honor God through your love making.

Just so you know- these are my thoughts on porn.

Not Everyone is Doing it- Stop Believing the Lies That Porn is Healthy

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If you would like to get access to my free printable bedroom games, be sure to sign up for the newsletter I send out through my sister site at Love Hope Adventure.

Free access to my couples bedroom games

What to Do When Sex Feels Like a Chore

There are a lot of married people that feel that sex is an obligation. They want to please their spouse, but it feels like more of a chore to mark off their to-do list than it a way to connect on a deeper level with their spouse.

What gets someone to the point that they feel like sex is an obligation rather than a privilege?

These are a few possibilities that make someone resort to duty sex-

Poor understanding of sexual intimacy-

Many people do not have a good understanding of the need for sexual intimacy in marriage. This goes for both people in the marriage, both the high drive and low drive spouse.

You are not orgasming- 

If you are not orgasming, then you are going to be less motivated to have time together. It is really important that you experience physical pleasure during sex.

Way too busy and stressed-

Having a full schedule causes you to be overly tired and stressed out. This makes it hard to get excited about being intimate with your spouse. 

Porn addiction-

If you are addicted to porn, it can make your desire for physical intimacy go way down on the list. There is a lot of guilt associated with porn use, and it re-wires your brain to think differently about sex.

You think your spouse is being selfish-

Whether your spouse is trying to or not, if you feel that they are being selfish in some area, whether it is in regards to sex or not, you will struggle to throw yourself into passion.

Past sexual abuse-

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse can wreck your view of physical pleasure. Since the abuser has taken from you something that you didn’t want to give, you can feel that way with your lover, also.

Promiscuous past-

If you have a promiscuous past, it can cause you to feel guilty which leads to avoiding this time with your lover.

A Steady Diet of Duty Sex is Damaging to Your Marriage

It is one thing to be physical with your life long partner on occasion. It is another thing for you to have a steady diet of duty. When you see all of your physical interactions as something you have to do, it will build resentment in you.

The Bible does tell us that we are not to deprive our husband or wife of sex. I think that you do have to fake it till you make it sometimes when it comes to intimacy. However, duty should be a bandaid, not a long term solution in your love life.

What To Do When Sex Feels Like a Chore

What to do when you are in the habit of having duty sex

The first thing you need to do is figure out why it feels like a chore for you. I know that there was a period of time when it felt like a chore for me.

A lot of it had to do with the fact that I had two young kids that were getting up during the night. I felt like I was racing the clock every night to get to sleep for a few hours before they got up. Due to some lack of communication and understanding on both my husband’s and my part, I put physical intimacy on my chore list.

In order for me to take it off my to-do list and put it on my desire list, I had to-

Change Attitude

Instead of seeing it as something that I had to do for my husband, I saw it as a gift from God for my marriage. I reminded myself that I had chosen abstinence while I was single in order to give myself fully to my husband. I was squandering our time for love making and that needed to change.

Work Through Past Issues

I had some past issues that I needed to work through that was hindering my love life. After a lot of conversations and intentionality on both of our parts, I was able to get through some hurts I had experienced in the past. Being free from those hurts allowed me to throw myself into passion with my husband.

Schedule Sex

Schedule sex

I know this sounds a bit counter-productive when you are trying to take it off of your to-do list, but scheduling it ahead of time really helps. It allows both of you to feel anticipation and excitement, as well as structure your day in such a way that it can happen when you are both ready.

Don’t schedule it for a week out, rather, get up in the morning and decide that it will happen that night. Of course, sometimes things come up that can’t be helped, but as soon as you can make good on the promises, you need to.

Reduce Stress and Busyness

Both you and your spouse need to come up with a strategy to reduce the stress and busyness in your life. I know it can seem as though there is no wiggle room in your schedule, but I promise that you can reduce it if you put your mind to it.

It might require you giving up television shows, social media time, letting housework suffer, backing out of commitments, saying no to new commitments, and so on. Your love life needs to be as much of a priority as earning an income, educating your children, paying bills, and so on.

Initiate Love Making

Lets have sex tonight

I had a really hard time with initiating for the first few years of our marriage. My husband would almost never approach me when I was already in the mood. I decided that in order to get it off of my to-do list, that I needed to get more comfortable initiating.

It really helped me to feel more excited about our time together, because when I was more in control of when it happened, it helped me out. I was able to get myself in the mood, and it helped him feel more loved.

When it comes to having love making on your to-do list, I hope you will find ways to put it on your need list. Stop short changing yourself and your spouse. Embrace the gift God gave you and find ways to be more excited about it!

Want to have access to my free couples bedroom game printables? Sign up for this newsletter at my sister site- Love Hope Adventure where I talk about the marriage relationship and being a family.

Free access to my couples bedroom games

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What to Do If You Can’t Find Lingerie That You Like?

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I was recently asked if I have any tips in regards to wear to get lingerie or something sexy to wear in the bedroom. This is an area where I don’t know if I have anything revolutionary to say, because I have a hard time finding lingerie to fit me.

Sexy Outfits Can Be a Good Alternative to Lingerie

However, what I try to focus on the most when it comes to this area, is to create sexy outfits. I’ve had a lot of hit and miss luck when it comes to finding lingerie that fits me and feels comfortable.

For the most part, I get creative with I own or can find at the thrift store since that is where I do most of my shopping. In general, I put together outfits that I wouldn’t ever wear out of the house. I’m a pretty modest person in general, so it doesn’t take much for me to come up with something that my husband is going to see as out of the ordinary.

If you are having a hard time getting things that make you feel like you look good or fit you properly, I suggest you do the same. Both husbands and wives can apply this principal so that it they can look great for their spouse.

 

Sexy Dresses

I saw some really cute dresses on Amazon that you can check out. These dresses looked nice.

Wear Just Accessories

Another thing you can do is to just wear accessories. Put on-

Then, don’t wear anything else at all. That is something both you and your husband can do. Get as creative as you like with your accessories.

Not sure that you feel comfortable with your body enough to wear lingerie? We all have body image issues. That is why I am choosing to celebrate my stomach this year. I hope it will encourage you to celebrate your body.

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