This week, Keelie did a scope about talking after sex. We’ve written before about talking during sex, but what about afterwards? Are you a snuggler? A sleeper? Do you just get up right away? Do you ever talk?
Communication is just as important in your sex life as it is in any other area of your marriage. One area that can get couples into trouble is assuming that things are ok. It’s easy to think that if you’re satisfied your spouse must be satisfied as well. It may not occur to you that even though you had an orgasm, your spouse didn’t. That new position that blew your mind may have been really bad for them. If these assumptions go unchecked, you may find yourself hitting a roadblock, or worse, in your sex life. Talking is the solution to this problem.
Talk before, during, and after sex
It’s important to talk before sex to communicate expectations. It may help to discuss some details about tonight’s upcoming love making. Are you looking for hot and heavy, or slow and relaxed? Talking about this in advance can prevent a lot of hurt feelings and frustration. You can talk over new things that you would like to try. Break out the Sexy Truth or Dare cards you got when you signed up for this newsletter and ask some detailed questions.
Talking during sex has all kinds of benefits. It can get your head back in the game when your mind starts wandering. The simple act of talking and making noise can get your blood and adrenaline flowing and help your physical arousal.
Talking after sex is a little different. Talking afterwards is more like a review – a “debrief” as Keelie called it on her scope. It’s an opportunity to figure out what worked and what didn’t. Ask your spouse the simple, cliche, cheesy old line – “Was it good for you, baby?”
Ask Specific Questions
If you’ve tried something new, ask how it went. Ask if your spouse got everything they were hoping for. Did she orgasm? Did she orgasm enough times? Did he enjoy everything? Do you want to try doing things differently next time? The same?
It may be tough to start these conversations if you aren’t already talking about sex. It’s worth the effort, however, to push through the awkwardness. If you can get comfortable talking to one another about sex, you will unlock the ability to really grow in your physical intimacy.
Two Tips to Get Started
The first things that you have to do if you’re trying to get comfortable talking about sex in specifics is to develop a bedroom language. If you don’t have a vocabulary, it will be difficult to have any meaningful conversations. Once you have that established, you need to find a way to get started. One fun and easy way to get some of these conversations going is with our Sexy Truth or Dare ebook.