I’m just going to go ahead and say it…I don’t want to write this post. In light of fifty shades of grey, I feel like I must. I am a marriage blogger, after all, and this topic is bound to come up between couples.
I Won’t Support or Refute These Acts With Scripture
Today I’m talking about the idea of bondage and discipline as a form of play and why I can’t promote this type of physical intimacy between a couple. I’m not here to tell you that this type of act is right or wrong. I’m not going to argue whether or not scripture permits or discourages this type of intimate play.
What I am talking about today is why I can’t write an article promoting a couple explore this form of intimacy.
We All Want to Know if There Are Intimate Acts That Are Wrong
One of the questions I asked my mom before I got married, was whether there were types of intimate acts that were wrong. She told me that bringing other people in the bedroom in any way, shape or form, was adultery. That would include flicks showing couples being intimate, having fantasies of others, or inviting real people to join you.
I’m very glad that I had a mom who was willing to let me ask the hard questions. She gave me honest answers. She told me that as long as I honored God in my intimate life, then there wasn’t anything we shouldn’t try.
You Have the Right to Say “No”
Of course, she told me that I always had the right to tell my husband “no” about acts that I wasn’t comfortable with. As a single person, whom had never been physical with a man, I had no idea what types of acts that might be. I went into marriage open minded about exploring my husband’s body without shame.
The Lifestyle Portrayed in Television is Not All There Is
I didn’t know much about bondage or discipline before I was married. The only depictions I had ever seen was on CSI or other detective shows. Everything you see on television shows a pretty perverted view.
You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? People visit dungeons to engage in acts with others that they are not married to. Not only that, all the acts seem dark and disgusting. It is always portrayed that these people are playing out these fantasies that are not acceptable in real life.
There Are People Who Have a Healthy Experience With This Type of Play
In the recent years, I’ve read articles about light bondage and how Christian couples have enjoyed this type of engagement. Don’t ask me to explain light bondage, because I am not sure what that consist of. I know there are those that engage in dominant role playing, use handcuffs to restrain, or other forms of this type of play in a respectful way.
However, I can’t and won’t tell you that being tied up or disciplined is ok. Here’s why…
I have no idea what kind of relationship you are in. Everything I have read about people who play around with handcuffs, discipline role play or other intimate acts, say you have to trust the person you are with.
I don’t know you and I don’t know who you plan to act out with. How do I know if you have a trustworthy partner? For that reason, I’m not going to tell you it is ok.
I think that anyone who agrees to be tied up or restrained is putting themselves in a very vulnerable position. A lot could go wrong in this situation, even between responsible, trustworthy adults.
You have to decide about the morality factor of it through prayer and reading your Bible.
Your safety is my biggest concern.
There is no way that I can tell people whom I don’t know to put themselves in this position. With this topic, it is not a matter of whether this is right or wrong. It is a matter of trust. People that you think you can trust, prove you wrong. I don’t want you fully exposed and tied up only to find out you’re with someone who wasn’t trustworthy.
Violence is on the Rise
With the rise in violence that is portrayed in porn, I’m even more concerned about saying bondage is ok. Porn is a big problem for women and men of all ages. With the unfiltered access our kids and we as adults have to porn flicks, the problem will get worse.
Let’s be clear, I don’t watch porn, but I’ve done enough research to know that film makers are incorporating more violence and degrading acts. This is at the outcry of those that watch it. Maybe you know that many of the acts are based on fantasy. However, a lot of the scenes show rough sex and degrading acts that are sure to distort your view of healthy sex.
It looks so real, and a lot more of it is not staged than you want to know. Violent bondage, discipline, choking, and name calling are depicted. You put a sexually charged individual that has spent a lot of time watching violent porn in a position of authority over someone else, and things can go seriously wrong.
I know my point of view sounds cynical, but it’s truth.
These thoughts are what I’ve had to consider when writing an article on bondage. I can tell you that you should only do this type of play with someone that you trust. How do I know you’re with someone who won’t hurt you? I don’t. I’m not going to be the convincing reason to put you in a place you don’t need to be.
Here is what I can do, I can ask you questions that will help you decide if this is the best choice for you. I wrote a post that outlines some questions you can ask yourself when you are thinking of a new sexual experience to try. You can read it HERE.
Why I Do Not Engage in This Type of Intimacy
I feel that it is only fair that you know where I personally stand on this in my sex life. I do not engage in acts of discipline or bondage for a few reasons. None of which have anything to do with my personal Christian convictions. I’m not saying scripture does support it or doesn’t. The truth is, I don’t have a position on it at this time.
However, these are the top reasons I do not do engage in this type of sexual play.
-I have a genetic disorder. It causes my shoulders to come out of joint easily. Holding my arms above my head or behind my back can cause my arms to slip out of socket. I don’t chance doing anything that will make this happen.
-I’m pretty claustrophobic. There is more that goes into claustrophobia than being in small spaces. It is more about being in a situation that you can’t physically get out of. The thought of being tied up causes me to panic. Never mind I have the most trustworthy spouse on the planet, it doesn’t matter, I am sure I’d freak.
-I suck at role playing. For someone that loves the stage and acting, I really suck at performing in front of a one person audience. This is likely the lamest reason that I don’t jump at the chance to be tied up or act like a disciplinarian. Mainly, the first two reasons are why I’ve dismissed the idea of trying. Physically and mentally for me, it wouldn’t create a healthy atmosphere.
Pray About Your Intimate Life
Not sure whether or not you should get involved in a sex act? Pray about it. I know that may sound a bit weird to you, but God created sex. Not only that, He sees everything you do in the bedroom. If you want to feel freedom in your sex life and honor God, then pray about. Read your Bible and really listen to what God has to say to you.
These are my thoughts on BDSM. What about you? What do you think about these types of acts? What would you tell others about this topic?